The Foot Nin
by Kiyoko Michi
Summary: You know, nobody really cares about the goons.  I actually kind of feel sorry for them... always getting beaten up, overlooked, and with a stupid name like Foot.  Oh, and they're all complete idiots.


The Foot Nin

-Kiyoko Michi

~.*.~

Oh, shit it's the red one again.

I knew I was in trouble as soon as I was assigned field duty on a big assignment- _they _always show up now. Sure getting picked _used _to be a big honor and thrill- you got the whole prestige thing from being good enough to get picked and an awesome thrill from the job as well. Then _they _showed up, and all that disappeared. The humiliation of getting our butts kicked every single time overshadows everything else. So I took the assignment with the knowledge that I'd be spending the next few days in the hospital, or at least nursing my bruised ego and skin at home. But it's worse than I though. Red is alone.

When Red's attacking alone, he's pissed off. Some poor, poor soul somewhere managed to send him into a spitting rage, which he takes out on any criminals he can find. And now he's found us… and we've obviously already stolen the thing. We're doomed.

Well, at least it's fifteen on one right now. If we coordinate our attacks, maybe put down the artifact we were taking to appease him, then maybe we'll be able to distract him enough to let- YOU IDIOTS WHAT ARE YOU-

*Crack*

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Okay, ten on one now. And Red doesn't look any less pissed off after beating up a few of our guys. Those idiots… newbies, who've never had to fight the Turtles before, let alone the Red one when he's pissed. Trying to get some glory by taking down one of our biggest enemies- as if they could beat someone even our Leader has trouble with… Why do we always attract the idiots? None of them have any common sense! At least Red does a good job deflating the egos of the new recruits- they can be unbearable before someone beats some sense into them.

"ATTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAACCCKKK" Aaaaand, there goes the rest of the group. You'd think that after fighting the same people for so many months, we'd find a better strategy than running right at them screaming. I stay near the back of the group as they dissolve into a mass of bloody fists and weapons. Maybe I'll be able to think of a plan to get out of a beating… or just sneak out during the chaos.

I slowly skirt the group, still trying to look menacing in case someone's watching, and head towards the end closest to a tall, abandoned looking dumpster. If I can get close enough, maybe I can hide there without anyone notici- AAAAAAAAAahhhhhhhcrap. That was embarrassing. With my eyes still on Red, I didn't even notice the broken pipe on the ground before it's suddenly under my foot and I fall. Ow… at least I only shrieked in my head- that would have been an even more humiliating sound to make.

I'm about to try and crawl to safety before I realize I can use this. I'm already on the ground near enough to the battle, so… time to play dead! Hopefully Red (and my fellow goons when they wake up) will think I got knocked out while valiantly trying to fight. I just need to pull it off… Stay still, stay still, stay stillstillstillstillstill…

The sounds of battle fade away with one last thwack, and everything falls silent. It's a struggle not to open my eyes just the slightest bit to see if he's looking at me. That, and my ear is starting to itch. It takes all my willpower, but my years of harsh elite training at the Foot pay off- I'm successfully able to play dead and stop twitching. I still can't hear anything… It's completely silent now. I must have done it! He didn't notice! I'm in the clear, escaped from the… oh, %$#.

There's a foot nudging my side. A real foot, not a ninja Foot. It's him… Oh crap,itshimitshimitshim … and he _knows. Im gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die _I"M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! Hold on, he's talking.

"Get up. I know yer awake. I didn' even touch ya durin' the fight."

The nudging foot returned, slightly more forceful this time. Maybe if I keep playing dead and flop a little when he kicks me, he'll think I'm really unconscious and just go away. I'm not even going to try to go one on one with Red… wait, he's still talking.

"… Did you faint or somethin'? Ya did, didn't ya. Heh… pansy." … Hey, that's insulting. I'm an official ninja goon! And I did _not _faint- I tripped while making a smart, strategically retreat! At least Red didn't sound angry anymore. He seemed more amused than anything. Well, at least I managed to brighten _someone's_ day. And I managed to get off without any injuries! Yes! I CAN act, and I fooled our biggest enemy! It's the pinnacle of my ninja accomplishment! I tied Red in a fight! I came out above all the other Foot here! I am _good!_

He's too much of a ninja for me to hear his steps as he walks away, but I'm pretty sure he's actually gone now. Still… I think I'll stay on the ground until the rest of them wake up. Just to be safe…


End file.
